Tag Archive - authenticity

Learning to Pastor: Help My Unbelief

May 25, 2012 in Pastoral Living, Suburbia with 0 Comments

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I have been wrestling with these words from Jesus in John 14 -

Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father.  Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.
Last night during our small group gathering we had another great discussion of the Lord’s Prayer from Matthew 6 and then we made our usual transition to prayer.  Instead of a time where we share our needs and the needs of those around us (which is great), the time really focused on how God had answered our recent prayers.  We heard how God had specifically answered prayers that our group had been praying over in recent days.

 

There were stories of God drawing a young man to himself who we had bathed in prayer… and a story of God’s healing hand on a precious little baby… and a story of God delivering a beautiful little girl out of some recent oppression.  Each of these had been our group’s prayer list and on our groups lips as they interceded for these hearts in need.  It was an undeniable affirmation of God working miracles for His glory in our midst.

 

God has me in a place where I desperately want to grasp the fullness of what he meant with those words in John 14.  As he was preparing his listeners for his departure and for the arrival of the Holy Spirit, he made some really huge statements.  He made promises and extended authority… he spoke of POWER (Acts 1:8)… and here I sit as one who has been given those promises, authority, and power and yet so often I forget that he heals the sick, delivers the oppressed, and redeems those who seem ‘too far’ away from his presence.

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Suburban Isolation

July 6, 2011 in Pastoral Living, Suburbia with 0 Comments

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If we are constantly trying to be someone else – or trying to project an image that is less than honest – no one will ever truly know us. If no one truly knows us then we are living in isolation. You may be surrounded by people all day long yet still be emotionally and relationally isolated. Moms can be surrounded by kids and even other moms and still be relationally isolated. Men and women can work amidst a sea of people for 40-60 hours per week and remain relationally isolated.  It can easily happen to any of us. How do you know if you have crept into relational isolation?

  1. Is someone asking about your well-being?
  2. Is there someone who can see through your staple responses? (friend, “how are things going?” – you, “everything is going well” – friend, “liar.”)
  3. Is someone asking about your marriage?
  4. Does someone know your unique struggles and ask regularly about them?
  5. Is someone available and welcoming of your phone call anytime of the day or night?

Isolation creates a petri dish where all sorts of problems take shape. To the surprise of many, pastoral leadership can create a very isolated environment. I have to be incredibly intentional to foster these kinds of relationships. So, I would be the first to say that it is much easier said than done. However, the struggle pays unspeakable blessings.

If you cannot answer a resounding “YES” to those five questions then I challenge you to seek deeper relationships – at least one. Fight the suburban isolationism that can easily breed all types of unhealthy thoughts and emotions.

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Authenticity in Prayer

July 1, 2011 in Suburbia with 1 Comment

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Facade is the suburban disease.  We all have a tendency to project a veneer of perfection in all areas of life.  We want to mold the way people think about us and often times that means not being ourselves.  For some crazy reason we try to fool God with that veneer as well.  Ludicrous isn’t it?  Somehow we think we can fool our all-knowing and all-powerful God into believing some rouse about our true feelings and/or actions.

I’m neck deep into a well neglected book of the Bible called Habakkuk.  I’ve been studying, reading, and praying through this book in an effort to stretch myself and in turn be used by God to stretch others.  I feel like I am constantly encouraged by the relevancy within every single book of the Bible…. even Habakkuk!  The book begins with these words from Habakkuk -

O Lord, how long shall I cry for help, and you will not hear?
Or cry to you “Violence!” and you will not save?
Why do you make me see iniquity, and why do you idly look at wrong?
Destruction and violence are before me; strife and contention arise.
So the law is paralyzed, and justice never goes forth.
For the wicked surround the righteous; so justice goes forth perverted.

He is not pulling any punches. Our friend ‘Haby’ is letting the gates of his emotional swell explode forward.  He isn’t trying to hide what he feels or what he thinks.  He is laying bare, in complete honesty and authenticity, exactly what is on his heart.

I remember when my wife and I began dating and things turned serious.  I remember being outside sitting on a trampoline at her Dad’s house having that pivotal conversation of extreme honesty.  We shared honest feelings, mistakes, regrets, and victories.  We chose to tear away even the slightest presence of any veneer that might have been present in the earliest days of our relationship.  At that moment we were completely honest with each other.  I can remember our relationship deepening beyond expectation that through that conversation.  It set a precedent for honesty and depth that has been with us for over 13 years.  Can you imagine what your relationship with God would look like if you were willing to let go of the facade?

I am confident that God desires complete honesty in our relationship with him.  In Luke 22:39-46 we see a deep honesty and authenticity modeled by Jesus as he is speaking to his Father. Have you constructed a facade the limits the honesty of your prayer life?  Would you be willing to be completely honest before God with all of your feelings, hurts, thoughts, and questions?

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Do We Still Know How To Be Friends?

June 19, 2011 in Suburbia with 0 Comments

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Suburbia.  We live in a place of cul-de-sacs and subdivisions.  Our houses are nicely organized into smaller groups of houses (communities) within our larger master-planned communities.  Our houses are designed facing each other or just mere feet next to each other.  People move from the urban center to suburbia because of this utopian picture of community.  However, reality comes crashing down with garage doors and yard divisions called privacy fences.

I just ran across this article that talks about how many of our facebook friends are people we really know, KNOW.  I don’t want to come off sounding like one of those social media haters – because I’m not.  I think there are some really great things that can be leveraged through social media.  Most recently as I have gone through some health issues and surgery, I have been really blessed to see through facebook or twitter that people were praying for me.  I have been able to reconnect with friends that I would have found no other way aside from social media.  I have also engaged in some great conversations that have been enabled through these great twenty-first century staples.  Birthdays… I haven’t even mentioned… how odd would it be not to feel all that birthday facebook love?

Since we have established the fact that I’m not a hater… I’ll let you into my struggle.  We have chosen to live in master-planned communities designed to orchestrate relationships.  This being the case, we live in a constant state of rushing into the garage so quickly the door artfully closes only moments after our car passes the little safety laser at the entrance.  We might peek out long enough to grab our garbage cans off the curb only because we are scared of the HOA enforcer that drives around with nothing to do except for scribble our shortcomings and associate fees to those shortcomings.  Yet with over 600 million users and each one spending over 15 hours per month on facebook we all have a plethora of “friends.”

It seems that with our growing busyness we are replacing real-life relationships with e-relationships.  The definition of the word ‘friend’ has completely changed in regards to how it is used in our day-to-day language.  When we refer to someone as a friend it could mean that we bumped into them in line at Taco Bell one day, made a passing connection and then found a friend request in our facebook inbox.

Do we really know what it means to navigate life in authentic relationships with other people?  Can we be open with someone and let them into both our struggles and joys?  Do we value caring for others?  This busyness has created such a me-centric worldview that I am not sure we still know how to be friends.  How many friends do you really have?  I’m not talking about those e-relationships… but real friends?

Friendship is giving of yourself to someone else with their needs valued above yours.  It is participating with others through their deepest struggles and their moments of greatest victory.  True friendship demands proximity at crucial moments in life.  A friend is someone who can see it on your face… or hear it in your voice… when the crucible of circumstance has been realized.  A friend would recognize your voice and welcome your plea at any hour of the day or night.  Most importantly, a friend is someone who has been on their knees praying with your name frequently on their lips.

How can you intentionally invest yourself in these types of relationships?  Are you a true friend or have you settled for the false security established by those exaggerated numbers on our facebook profile?  Are you willing to give the counter-cultural effort it will require to build true friends?

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Growing in Authenticity as a Suburban Pastor

June 13, 2011 in Pastoral Living, Suburbia with 0 Comments

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The projection of perfection is the umbrella under which we suburbanites live.  When I began learning how to research a culture during my doctoral studies, one of the first things we talked about was the difference between an insider and an outsider.  There are both pros and cons to looking in on a culture from the outside inward.  Also, there are both pros and cons to studying a culture from the inside (as an insider).  I have done extensive study in the area of suburban culture.  But, I am both limited by and blessed through my view as an insider of the culture.

At some moments I can see things others can’t and then at other moments I seem to be blind to truths that jump to the attention of others.  One of the biggest characteristics of suburbia is the facade of perfection.  There is a social pressure to project the image of perfection in all areas of life.  We project the image of perfect parenting by all the activities in which our children participate – and how many stickers for those activities we can put on the back of our SUVs.  We project the image of professional success by the long hours and busyness we advertise during everyday, normal conversations.  Have you ever noticed how often someone tells you about how many hours they work or how late they come home?  We’ve correlated the amount of time we work with an appearance of success.

It has become very evident to me that I inherently try to project an image of perfection as well.  Sounds hypocritical doesn’t it?  Well, it is what it is… My natural inclination is to hide the specific struggles that I am experiencing.  I have really noticed this in my preaching.  Just today I taught on “Journeying Through Struggles” from 1 Peter 4:12-19 and it was so difficult to be authentic.  It was so incredibly uncomfortable to even reference the struggles I have walked through over the years.  I did some, but I could feel myself pulling back… not wanting to go too deep.  Some of my motives are very healthy – I want the scriptures to be front-and-center at all times.  I don’t want to justify the issue away by this reason alone.  Other times, I regret to say, I am just incredibly uncomfortable letting people see that I don’t have everything all together.  Who am I really fooling?  It is such a sinful inclination for me to be this prideful.

Growing in authenticity as a suburban pastor is one of the ways God is stretching me right now.  This is the area where he is growing me personally and growing me as a pastor and teacher.  He is teaching me to find that zone where I can make much of him through being completely honest about me.  The gospel begins to radically transform individuals and families when they come to a point of honesty, authenticity, and transparency with Jesus.  I have been called by God to lead people to this place of authenticity.  The manner in which I will be able to lead them there is not by words alone but by my example.

What are some ways that you can be more authentic and honest with those around you?  Where are some areas of your life where God might want you to lower the facade and allow some other people in to journey with you?  Not one of us is perfect, you know…..

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